Monthly Archives: September 2016

Season of change

 

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I like stability. I do not like change. I like sameness. Is that even a word?? Mr. Webster said it’s a word so I’m gonna roll with it. There is something comfortable and safe with things that stay the same.  There is not anything comfortable and safe with things that change. I do NOT like change. I despise it. I loathe it. I have very little to 0 tolerance for it. Can I get a witness????  I can see praise hands now in the air from all my control freak mommas out there!

I think there is significance in the SAME.

My close girlfriends and I try to go to Starbucks for coffee often, like once a week.  We would love to go once a day, but we have these responsibilities called children and we kinda like them.

We tend to go to the same one every time. There is nothing different or special about this certain Starbucks except for the conversations that happen. We have laughed, cried, vented and chatted about everything from bodily function issuesJ to our finds in the dollar section at Target to eyelash extensions to our favorite worship song at the moment to the bachelorette and so much more. We have shared our past, our pain and our struggles. It is a come as you are even in your crazy and a no shame zone. What happens in that spot is so very significant and its life giving.

Now, let me update you on current life or the past 6 months. It started off with a good finish to the school year, our first year at a new school and we were in love. Summer is here, YEAAAH. Suns out, shoulders out. (I don’t wear shorts really, so I had to change that saying and I love me some tanks) Your welcome. Ready for swim parties and bbqs and late night shenanigans.

And then IT happened. Change, change, change and then more change. Jesus, take the wheel.

One by one, good friends started informing me they weren’t coming back this next school year. These were people who I had just completed our 1st year of school with and when I say “our” I’m talking about my daughter’s school. Not me, I’m almost 40 and don’t do school, nobody has time for that. Trust in the Lord on that. We had built precious solid friendships in just a year and there was pretty much an arranged marriage for my oldest daughter already and now they are leaving. Boo

Then, I find out the school secretary who I bonded with in like 4 minutes and is like my older sister that I never had, she isn’t coming back this next school year.  And 2 of her sweet daughters who I just fell in love with instantly graduated this year and had to get all responsible and obedient to God as they felt called to a college about 3 hours away. THAT was not the plan initially. RUDE

Then we had changes with our 2 year old daughter, who just turned 3, but it feels like she skipped ahead 3 more years. In two month’s time, she gave up her paci, went into a big girl bed, she potty trained like a rock star, even through the night. Had I known it would have happened so quick and that ONE diaper would have been the last, there is a good chance I would have saved it. Precious. She decided her little doggy pillow wasn’t good enough and wanted a big girl pillow, she stopped relying on me to put her shoes on, she pretty much became an olympic swimmer all of a sudden and she quit biting kids. Oh and she starts preschool. Don’t think for a minute I didn’t tell her teacher she is used to about 92 kisses a hour!  FOR THE LOVE, what is happening?!??!!?!?!?????

About a month ago is when the big one happened and it happened fast. Bless my heart! My husband’s brother and his wife and 3 kids moved to California in 2002 which was the same time we moved here from Georgia. My husband and his brother both served in the military at the same time and both of our families were stationed in Georgia, although different duty stations. A little background about my sister in law and myself is that we met actually when we were 14 years old, long before we met the “brothers”. We instantly became best friends and knew we would always be in each other’s lives. Ok, fast forward to a month ago. About 3 weeks ago my husband’s brother and wife informed us they were moving to Idaho after a lot of prayer and seeking the Lord for His will. My heart about fell apart. I knew this was gonna just devastate my oldest who is 10 because she was losing her best friend, her cousin. I was losing that friend that I had grown up doing life with for 25 years.  We had walked through so much together and God is so good that he still orchestrated our lives to fall in love with brothers and still be sister in lives after all. The memories started to flood my mind. The night we met, yes we met and I went to stay the night at her house that night and did’nt leave for 3 days, our culotte wearing days, the night that God got a hold of us youth and she got on top of a table and started shouting and preaching, the southern gospel concerts we were obsessed with that I don’t expect anybody else in this universe to understand, our weddings, taco Tuesdays, birth of our babies, birthday parties, that purple pick that has been used in one too many heads that you still have 25 years later, too many good memories to list. Oh, and if you don’t know what a pick for your hair is, look it up and then confess and then run to nearest Walgreens and get yourself one.  It’s the greatest thing on this planet.

The moving day came and all of us met at their house and helped them load up. I’m talking Grandparents, 4 sets of uncle and aunts and 13 cousins. We took pictures, we cried, we prayed and we read Psalm 121 and sent them with our blessing and love. It was a beautiful scene because clearly there was so much love there, but honestly I wish I could undo it in my mind. The tears that came from each child was on another level. My precious girl was sobbing, not the silent kind, she doesn’t know about how to cry silentlyJ She was sobbing as she said her goodbyes and my heart was feeling straight up discouraged.

What else Lord? I know that none of the changes I had experienced was really that life altering, but yet my heart felt like something was dying.

It was that sameness, the comfortableness that I had grown used too. Maybe a part of me even thought if God is letting all this happen, then what next? What else is coming my way God? Am I able to handle it? Ohhh the vulnerability is so much to handle. Have you ever been here?

Fear has made itself home in so much of my life and honestly it’s really not vibing good with me anymore and who God wants me to be and His plans for me. So, rather than viewing all these changes as a threat or questioning God, I can use this as another opportunity to put my trust in God, continue to proclaim His goodness and remember that “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” thank you Kelly Clarkson for that song, I’m your biggest fangirl! Life is going to throw us changes and its up to us as to how we respond.

God holds our world in His hands and whether its change or sameness that we are walking through, God stays the same yesterday, today and forever. God remains.

James 1:17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change from shifting shadows.